Are Omissions Truly Betrayals?

Cheating.

What exactly constitutes cheating has been the age old question for men (the more operative word should be little boys). It seems that the tables have turned in that women are now on the prowl and out getting their "swerve" on outside of the relationship or marriage. Having been thoroughly intrigued by this topic, I decided to type "what is the definition of cheating in a relationship" into Google. Boy, were the results overwhelming!!! I wanted to get into contact with everyone and ask how they arrived at some of the answers that I read! On the website, www.answerbag.com, one lady by the name of Berenise said:

"cheating to me is having an inappropriate physical connection with someone outside of the relationship. Doing something that will betray me and put my trust towards you on the line. cheating is lying...hiding something from me no matter if is not doing something specifically with someone is still cheating because there should be no need to lie to me. not being true to me, not being faithful to my love, being able to hug and touch someone else's body without ever once thinking about me and how much this would hurt me...that is cheating"

I wanted to know if she is a woman scorned. The way in which she went into detail and how she ran off everything like a list as if she was deep in thought or perhaps, day dreaming, piqued my interests.

As I further read through the list of responses, I came across one by someone called "thinkin." This person said:

"Anything that do think you need to hide from you partner.

Lunch with someone a phone call a kiss a touch and of course sex."

This definition seemed to line up almost perfectly with my own. I believe that all of thinkin's response constitutes cheating. If you feel that you have to hide it, it's cheating. If you would be mad if I did the same thing or have trust issues with me from there on out, then it's cheating. Emotional infidelity constitutes cheating. Omissions are betrayals.

All of this came up because I was reading an article and this excerpt from it stated the following:

"Cheating on your guys is almost always a selfish act--and so is telling him about it. Confessing an indiscretion can shatter your man's trust in you and make him feel inadequate and insecure. More often than not, it also results in an ugly breakup."

Here's the killer part...

"So unless you get caught with your pants down, stay mum."

Unless you get caught with your pants down...stay mum. Stay mum?! A leading psychological expert by the name of Robi Ludwig said, "If you're at a point where you can stop cheating and are ready to deal with the dissatisfaction in your relationship that likely caused you to stray, you may not need to burden your partner with your impulsive, regrettable choices." Who are these people??????????

I apologize in advance, but I just have to go on a tangent for a minute. I'm utterly appalled by this information that is being fed to women from a leading magazine that is targeting women--Women's Health. First things first, it is never okay to cheat. Yes, confessing what you have done does release a burden off of your shoulders and releases you from having to keep a secret or tell lies after lies to cover your tracks. However, I believe that the other person has a right to know. With so many sexually transmitted diseases going around, people need to have more open relationships where the lines of communication are not broken down. I do not believe that your partner will welcome your random indiscretions with welcoming arms, but I do feel that you owe that person that much. You have already lost a huge chunk of that person's trust; must you lose it all because you want to "stay mum." It's disgusting if you ask me.

One indiscretion could lead to an incurable disease, a baby, or something worse and far more sinister...an obsessed stalker who does nothing but take distinct pleasure in getting under your skin with the clout that he/she holds over you due to your supposedly inadvertent malfeasance.

My grandmother always said that what is done in the dark will come to the light. How is it possible that you can go to sleep and wake up to the person that you say that you love, in the same bed, knowing that you have not righted a grievous wrong? How can you utter words like, "I love you." Do you? I mean do you really? It truly takes a strong person to hear that you have been cheated on; however, it takes an even stronger man or woman to admit what he/she has done. No, you cannot change the past. There is no rewind, pause or flag on the play in life. On the other hand, there is always room for improvement and healing and even possible, forgiveness.

If you are going to cheat, please get out of your marriage or relationship. I mean who wants to honestly be with someone you cannot trust. I always feel that cheating relationships are unhealthy. They are like cancerous viruses that only get worse unless you have chemotherapy and even after that, it is known to come back and strike this time with a vengeance. Some say that revenge is a dish best served cold. I always think that if you have cheated on me, what is to stop you from cheating again. If I stay, will he keep cheating on me because I stayed this time? If he does step out on me again, who do I have to blame this time?

He, on the contrary, would have to worry about...yes, he. Oh, best believe he will worry. Even if a woman does not do anything out of spite, a man will always have it in the back of his mind because of his own guilty conscience. So again, he will worry about where I am at when I don't answer my phone. If any guy is standing too close or I am laughing too hard with a guy who's conversing with me way too low, then he is going to flip out. He's going to wonder what I am doing and if I have gotten even or settled the score, because in his mind what woman will truly put up with his cheating keister without tip--toeing outside the door herself.

And yes, all of this true regardless of if he intends to truly stop cheating or not.

All of that to say this, I do not believe that honesty is not always the best policy. Yes, an ugly break up may be an end result, but at least you can leave with some dignity and respect. The other person can always say that at least he/she told me instead of me having to find out from someone else. Even I, myself, can respect that.