Is Forgiveness Moving On & Never Talking About What Happened

What exactly constitutes forgiveness and have you truly been forgiven if one still experiences feelings of anger or disgust when the situation in question is brought up? This is my question.  I have no relationship with my biological sperm donor...some people may refer to this person as "dad", "father", or "my ole man."  I don't.  Certain responsibilities come with that title and I feel that this individual completely dropped the ball in this instance and let it roll down the gutter lane. 

I could have a relationship with this person if I in fact wanted to.  The fact is that I do not long for this nor do I miss it when I see others with their fathers.  I just wish that their father was mines...simple.  There used to be a time in life when I resented the man and I would have loved nothing other than to have taken distinct pleasure in his misery or whatever God decided to dish out that would wreak havoc in his life.  However, that resentment is long gone.  I do not hate him...I am neutral.   For some, neutral is worse.  I could care less one way or another about him or what is going on his part of the universe--however big or small it may be.

I bring all of this up to say this; I am trying to walk closer with God and actually become more attentive to his voice.  When I pray, I pray for people that I love.  That could be my family, friends, and in some instances, enemies.  It was a hard pill to swallow and even harder to heed the little voice telling me to pray for them.  I'm like, "I don't like you.  I don't want to pray for you or your circumstances."  Contrary to how I felt though, I still prayed for them.  For this man who is my estranged "father," I cannot get myself to say two words in an effort to pray for him.  Does this mean that I have not forgiven him?

I used to think that in order for me to forgive, him I needed to talk to him and let him know exactly how I feel about him and how much he repulses me to no end.  I felt that if I could clear that off of my chest that we could move forward and possibly have a somewhat decent relationship in spite of all of the time that was wasted due to his ineptness as a father.  Nevertheless, this proved to be as impossible as growing your own money tree in your backyard.  The man was unbearable!!!! So, I decided that for me to grow as a young lady, I would need to forgive him on my own and let bygones be bygones.  I was going to forgive him in my heart and not allow him to win any longer by permitting myself to allow him to anger me or rile me up.  I believed that I had successfully accomplished this... I mean I'm neutral for crying out loud!

Still, I cannot get myself to pray for this man.  What gives?  Have I just forgiven him to a certain extent or have I instead willed myself to believe that I have forgiven him an effort to have an "out of sight, out of mind" type mindset?  Help!