How Many Fights Must A Relationship Endure to Be "Real"?

The other day I was sitting in my living room when Marcel mentioned to me that at one point he felt that he and Chris were not really best friends because they had never had a fight before. Here’s a brief overview: Charles, Chris and Marcel are all best friends. Charles and Marcel have had a fight before in the past, but managed to get past that. Chris and Marcel have not.  He said that he used to think that real friends have fights…and it got me thinking.

Is it not real love if you have never gotten into a fight with your significant other or spouse?

Chris Rock did a comedy special entitled “Never Scared.”  There is this one part of the show where he states that you have never been in love if you have not thought about killing that person.  If you have never sat at the table with a box of rat poisoning thinking how you are going to kill that m’fer, then you were not in love. And the only thing that stopped you from doing it was an episode of CSI.  It was really funny, but when you take the comedy out of it…is what he said true? 

We all know what it feels like those first days, weeks, and months of finding that special person that you want to share all of you with—sheer bliss.  He doesn’t want to hang up the phone and neither does she.  She calls him all day, he texts her all day. Now there’s twitter and you can tweet silly love messages to each other that the whole world can see.  Technology. No harsh words are uttered to the other person and any behavior, verbal or physical, that can possibly come off has hurting the other’s feelings is immediately apologized for.  But one day, all of that changes…you awake from your peaceful slumber or utopia and just like that, BAM!! Reality hits…

I do believe that some confrontation is necessary and vital in ensuring that your love for one another is strong enough to withstand a little wind, how much pain or frustration must one relationship endure in order to hold up against a Katrina???  Additionally, if one relationship can survive the devastation and aftermath of a category 5 storm, does that necessarily mean that it is worth it?  Does that mean that you have found true love or that “ride or die” man or woman?

I believe that every man and woman makes a conscious decision to walk face on into a relationship and he/she knows what their limitations are and are not.  One knows what will make them walk and what will make them stay.  I think that no one really knows what their reaction will be in certain situations until they are in them, but for the most part we all have our “breaking points” or “icings on the cake.” 

My aunt and uncle have been married almost 50 years—their 50-year anniversary is next year.  While I was writing this I decided to call her. I asked her about her take on this subject and she immediately laughed stating that, “Yes, you will fight. Marriage is not easy.  It is a partnership.  Men have to understand that bringing home a check is not enough.”  She went on to mention that sometimes you may think about killing him, but then you think, “Is this something that I really want to go to jail for?  The answer is, no.  So there has to be a better solution.”  For some relationships, your spouse may argue with you just to see how much fight you have in you and for others their relationships seem to thrive as a result of fighting. (I assume that it is the making up part in these relationships that keeps it “thriving.” LOL).  She verbalized that people who are brutally honest can survive in a relationship, but those that skirt on the issues at hand or are in complete denial are the ones that will not work.  Her answer is this, fighting is necessary for any relationship or marriage to work; however, for a relationship/marriage to be considered “real” is not something that can be quantified by numbers or can be explained in a manual…it just depends on that person’s tolerance level.

What are your ideas on this topic?